A Faithful Volunteer

This article was posted on Youthministry.com

For the last 13 years I've been a volunteer; I started out in college ministry because I was in college, but my pastor asked me to try youth ministry because, and I quote, “Your humor is more on their level.” I resisted; I said no. I almost swore...and I never swear. I did not like middle-schoolers.

It wasn’t until a really cute girl leader invited me to check it out that I tried it, hoping that she'd date me. She never did. But I was hooked: Youth ministry would be my passion for the next decade and beyond. I struggled hard to be the most faith-filled, capable volunteer that anyone had ever seen—so good that they would have to hire me to be a middle school pastor or something...anything with a title. Did I mention I’ve been a volunteer for 13 years—only a volunteer? Those dreams never happened.

Did I mention I’m divorced? Yeah, that was kind of another thing that happened in there. I poured so much energy into my ministry that I burnt myself out. I worked hard at everything I did so that people would take notice and become so wrapped up in how amazing I was that they would pay me to be awesome in ministry for the rest of my life. In the midst of my burnout I made increasingly poor decisions, which led me to moving to a foreign country (Canada) and marrying a girl—one I couldn’t even tell you why I loved. We were just so good at kissing and snuggling that our relationship was perfect! (read with sarcasm)

Six months after our summer wedding I carried my suitcase and a box on a cold winter evening into the Calgary International Airport. My mind was swirling around how it could have gotten so bad this quick. I tried hard to be the perfect husband but, within weeks of returning from our honeymoon, I was a failure. Appearances were great, people would always comment on how much we were in love and how perfect we were for each other. We led worship at our church, I taught the boys sunday school class, and I spoke occasionally for church. Did I mention everything was perfect? It wasn’t.

In the months after moving back in with my parents I tried to figure out how to revive a marriage that had never lived. I tried to get a job but hit road blocks at every step. Every dream I had ever had was a complete failure. I was divorced, I had no ministry, I lived in my parents’ basement, I was broke, and unemployed. What would have been my first anniversary came and went as did my 30th birthday. Still broke, still unemployed, still no ministry, still no purpose...

That’s when God began to work in earnest, or rather, that’s when I realized that God had been working in earnest all along. You see, everything had been for my benefit. It was open heart surgery without anesthetic and I was going to live; the surgery was on my need for approval and acceptance. I had looked for it in accomplishments and relationships, in jobs and friends.

When my pain and discouragement was at its worst I began to pursue God. I got on my face daily praying that I could know Him. The Gospel became my only preoccupation. In the midst of this I found myself in conversations where God was speaking through me to explain the Gospel to people, to students, former students, leaders, friends, strangers.

I returned to volunteer ministry with a new fire and humility. God tells me what to say and I say it; He tells me what to do and I do it. The rest is up to Him; the work is up to Him; students’ hearts are up to Him. There are two kinds of faith: human faith that believes in what it thinks God can do, and faith that comes from God, which can do abundantly more than we ever hope or ask. Our human faith limits God, but God’s faith has no limit.

Did I mention I’m not there yet? I vacillate between these two faiths on a daily basis; my goal before I die is to live one day of my life where I have done more in God’s faith than I have done in my own. So I press on to reach the goal that God has called me to, forgetting everything that holds me back I lock eyes with Christ to walk above the troubled waters of youth ministry and spread the Gospel of peace. I hope you will do the same.